Behind the Screams

Earlier this year, The Weinstein Company announced it had plans to make Scream 4. I was a huge fan of the first three, in fact the original Scream is one of my favorite movies of all time, but this has the potential to be a huge mistake. While the original Scream films were sleek, sexy and riveting, it’s hard to believe anything they do ten years later will have the energy that made the first three successful. If they are interested in doing another horror movie, how hard could it be to give it its’ own story. Kevin Williamson (who created Dawson’s Creek) wrote the original Scream because he knew there was an audience for this type of movie. Now the audience has been bombarded with slasher films to the point where none of them feel special. Anyway, in honor of Halloween, here are a few things you may or may not have known about Scream. Of course beware of spoilers.

• To keep Drew Barrymore crying, Wes Craven would tell Drew Barrymore stories about animal cruelty, and would often hop up and down like a bunny to remind her of a story he told about a man who tortured rabbits.


• Rose McGowan (Tatum) was the only major character that was never the killer in any draft of the script.


• The janitor dressed as Freddy Kruger is director Wes Craven.


• Liev Schrieber, who plays Cotton Weary, was supposed to have a larger role in the film. In the original draft, he is released from jail and it is him who takes the gun from Stu and shoots Billy. In the final version, it is Gale Weathers (Courtney Cox) who does this.


• Billy’s last name, Loomis was used both Psycho and Halloween.


• In another homage to Alfred Hitchcock, Drew Barrymore was promoted as one of the stars of the film. Just like in Psycho, Scream kills off the “lead character” in the first part of the movie.


• I did not answer my phone for three weeks after the seeing this movie for the first time.


• Skeet Ulrich was designed to look like Johnny Depp in Nightmare on Elm Street.


• Wes Craven hid the phone voice of the killer from Neve Campbell the entire time they filmed the movie, even though he had to be onset for all their scene.


• The cat who runs through the cat door (which Tatum tries to escape through) was selected because it had the same color hair as Rose McGowan.

All info obtained through Scream Collectors Edition DVDs, Internet Movie Data Base, Entertainment Weekly, ect.

The Drama (and Comedy) of Baseball

With Game 4 of the 2008 World Series in the history books, and Game 5 barreling down the tracks, did anyone, even the players, realize the Phillies would be the team to be ahead 3 games to 1 in the World Series? Is Philadelphia’s resistance for disappointment so strong we won’t even accept this could be the year until the final out of the final game? Professional sports is the one common thread Americans all over the country are passionate about. It’s like the Burger King commercial, which reminds everyone to be as passionate about voting as you are about your sandwich order. If everyone cared about the (insert your own cause here), as much as they cared about sports, this country would be a better place. But there is no use beating a dead horse. So why do we sit up until 2 am with chest pains, anxiety and sweaty palms for people we don’t really know personally. Part of it is that we are living vicariously through the players, wishing we could be the one an entire city is cheering, and part of it the fellowship of belonging to a successful group. In essence, we all never left the playground. “My team is better than your team” is a statement we proclaim to any opposing fan, yet we have no control over whether this is true or not. The drama that plays out on the field is often more compelling than any reality series. Naturally, filmmakers would be quick to capitalize on this dramatic foil. In sports films, the character want and antagonist are built in. So why is it that for as many hits, there are just as many misses? In honor of the World Series, here’s a look at a few of those baseball films hits and misses.

Hits: As hard as it is to capture the drama of a baseball game on the big screen, it is just as rewarding when it works. The most important part of making a good baseball movie is not telling a story that everyone knows the ending. Titanic worked because of the back-story even though we know the ship is sinks. Nobody would be in suspense if you knew who won the game and how. Sure The Pride of the Yankees is a sentimental favorite, but that was more of a problem drama about a baseball player than a baseball movie. The Sandlot is a good example of a coming of age film, heavy on baseball and comedy that really works. The feel of the 1960’s, equally rounded ensemble and a situation all people can relate to makes this The Christmas Story of sports movies. Penny Marshall’s A League of Their Own dominated the box office, and became one of the most talked about movies of 1992. Despite the mostly female cast, this film appealed to everyone, and has the most heart pounding final play of any baseball movie ever. Comedy seems to be the right direction with baseball movies, with Bull Durham being sharply written and seductively charming, while Major League is neither sharply written nor charming, it’s still hilarious and ranks as one of the best. Sometimes drama does work in baseball, like in Field of Dreams, which might be the most inspirational sports movie ever, and Bang the Drum Slowly. A baseball movie about the relationship between a catcher and a starting pitcher with terminal cancer sounds like a drag, but Robert DeNiro’s performance in Bang the Drum Slowly is the role that got him recognized by Francis Ford Coppola, who casted him in The Godfather Part II. Fever Pitch was a decent movie, but it was a commentary on the passion of the fan’s, and not the actual sport. Plus if you're not a member of the "Red Sox's Nation", it becomes obnoxious at points.

Misses: One thing is for sure, Hollywood is not afraid to swing at some bad pitches. Mr. Baseball with Tom Selleck is one joke film. Yeah, he’s an American playing in Japan. I guess the producers felt that was enough comedy for the entire film. Mr. 3000 with Bernie Mac suffered from the comedian not being convincing as a baseball player, and a mediocre script. In general, baseball movies about one man tend to lose the entire essence of the team oriented sport. Think Tommy Lee Jones in Cobb, or John Goodman in The Babe. Eight Men Out is a good film, but if you’re looking for a baseball movie, this does not deliver. I want the characters to be trying to win, not a conspiracy film where the one of the players is paid to lose the game. The Natural is highly stylized and verging on campy, like if The Young and the Restless was about a baseball team. Angels In the Outfield and Rookie of the Year are great for kids, but it doesn’t translate to anyone over 12 the way The Sandlot does. The Rookie with Dennis Quaid is an example of a good actor caught up in a bad film, and For Love of the Game is an example of a great concept that was assembled sloppily. I think when Kevin Costner read the book “For the Love of the Game”, he was so excited to do another baseball movie, he didn’t bother making sure it was adapted to film correctly.

So tonight, like that final scene in the movie, the world is watching and everything is on the line. The most important night in these players lives will be seen by millions of people, so let’s hope they keep in mind the famous advice from Susan Sarandon in Bull Durham: “The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self awareness.” Go Phils.

And the Bride Wore Swimmies

This is nobody's fault but the their own. Wedding by the pool = disaster.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xYiHcP6oxU

Hidden Nugget of the Week: "The Words of Every Song" by Liz Moore

I'm one of those people who says they like to read, but when it comes to actually doing the footwork, I have been a bit lazy lately. One of the last full books I've read was singer/ songwriter Liz Moore's 2007 debut novel about handling success and failure in the music industry. The book contains 14 chapters, each summarizing the life of a different character, as they intertwine in various ways throughout the book. Every aspect of the music industry is represented, from the rock star who tries to be a good father to his young daughters, to the college pot head trying to get his demos exposed. Each story is carefully constructed with some characters more important, and frankly more interesting, than the others. For me the most touching of all the stories is the one featuring Tony, the middle aged sound man who walked out on his wife and realizes he wants her back, and Cynthia, the lesbian secretary whose ex-girlfriend is now America's hottest pop star. Moore's writing is a narrative poetry that avoids long elaborate paragraphs, and sticks to the essential plot points that are surprisingly poignant, given the author's abruptness. There are sometimes when Moore covers ten years of a character's life in two sentences, but you accept this because the payoff is always worth it. For those who know music well, the novel works on a whole different level, but everyone can appreciate this moving piece of literature. Moore's storytelling ability is truly a hidden gem in the world of fiction.
RECOMMENDED FOR: Everyone, especially those who like good short novels.
THEORY: Although all of the characters are fictional, the character of rising pop singer Lenore Lamont bears a striking resemblance to Leona Lewis, who was on the rise as this book was written.

OH. MY. GOD.

Someone forwarded this to me. Apparently this has made the rounds on Youtube, but if you haven't seen it, please check it out. If you have problems containing your laughter, don't view it at work like me. (Make sure you FF to the 2:15 mark)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPsNi1k8Df4

EXTRA BONUS!!!

This guy's reaction is almost as good as the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1FBqwjzbSA&feature=related

The Top Ten of the Past Ten: Comedy Episodes

The following is a list of the top ten television comedy episodes of the past 10 years. Since 2008 is not over yet, the time frame will be from January 1, 1998 to December 31, 2007. This list is totally subjective so I welcome all criticism, as long as you realize I am right and you are wrong.

1. Friends, “The One with the Embryos”; January 15, 1998.

The Gist: Phoebe’s insides are busy trying to get her brother’s sperm to fertilize her sister-in-law’s egg, while Chandler and Joey take on Monica and Rachel in a Jeopardy- like game Ross created to see who really knows whom the best.

Could It Be Any Funnier?: Phoebe’s plot is pretty cheesy, but the interaction between the five remaining friends is best writing the show ever produced. Friends was so good at making viewers feel like part of the group, each week 19 million Americans thought they should be the seventh friend dancing around in the fountain. In relationships, it’s always exciting to discover idiosyncrasies about your significant other four years in. This episode would not have worked if the audience didn’t feel they had a relationship with the people they spend their Thursday night with. Also, you feel like you had an interest in who won or lost. The producers took a real risk shaking up the show by putting two Friends staples, “the apartment” against “the chick and the duck.” Trying to do Friends without the chick and the duck or Monica in the purple apartment would be like trying to do the show without Central Perk, or without the magna-doodle on the door, or without Jennifer Aniston’s nipples showing through her shirt. The fast paced dialogue, perfect acting and high energy make this an episode you can watch over and over again, and laugh every time.
Best Line: Ross: As a child Joey had an imaginary friend. What was his name?
Monica: Maurice!
Ross: And what was his occupation?
Rachel: Space cowboy!!
The Whole Truth: Courtney Cox is the only member of the cast to not be nominated for an Emmy for her role on Friends.

2. Arrested Development, “Afternoon Delite”; December 19, 2004

The Gist: The Bluth Company Christmas Party has California’s most dysfunctional family at odds again, with Michael and Gob swapping leadership roles, and George Michael and Maebe distancing themselves from their respective parents.
Not So Shotty: The show as a whole is the smartest comedy series ever written hands down. Ironically, that was it’s downfall. Causal viewers often missed the 30-40 inside jokes that pop up in each episode. If you have never seen an episode of Arrested Development, you can still appreciate the razor sharp dialogue, subtle social criticism and all and out silliness they were never afraid or too elitist to do (a car slipping on a giant banana peel anyone?). They also have running jokes inside each episode like the price of Gob’s suit (Come on!), the horrible Christmas party roasts, and each character’s own idea of what they think “afternoon delite” means. If you don’t mind having to think to get the jokes, or if you think Michael Cera’s (Juno, Superbad) performance as George Michael is the stuff of comedy legend, check out this show. I could try to summarize the plot of this episode, but I wouldn’t be able to do it justice. The only thing I will say is you can expect a Christmas Party on Bethlehem time, a vulgar sexual harassment speech, giant cranes, the Blue Man Group, incest karaoke and a “420” mile walkabout taken by a middle aged stoner.
Best Lines: Michael (trying to convince Oscar to sleep with his mother): Why don’t you give her a little afternoon delite?
Oscar (thinking he is talking about getting her high): Oh right. The only question is how do I give it to her?
Michael: I don’t need any details.
Oscar: I know, I’ll put it in her brownie.
Michael: Okay that’s enough!
The Whole Turth: Jeffrey Tambor was originally only going to appear in the pilot episode, but loved the script so much, he decided he wanted to be a regular cast member.

3. The Office, “The Injury”; January 12, 2006

The Gist: Michael has burnt his foot on his George Foreman grill, and Dwight has been acting strange ever since he crashed his car into a fence.
The Source of It’s Awesomeness: Michael Scott is like the friend in your group who only knows how uncool he is when his other friends tell him. The mockumentary style is a perfect format for Steve Carell to play an over the top character centered in realism. There are many cringe worthy moments in this episode, but the most uncomfortable is when Michael invites a wheelchair bound man to share his pain with the group. (How long does it take you to brush your teeth?) So everyone knows Michael’s jilted self-perception is a rare quality in lead characters, but the subtle romance between Jim and Pam is the great storytelling NBC was skeptical about at first. Before The Office, My Name is Earl and 30 Rock, NBC liked to bash a romance over your head and tell the audience where to laugh in typical three-camera formula. Even though The Office has not ended, the Jim and Pam dynamic is more appealing and better executed than anything Ross and Rachel ever did. This episode is a great chance to examine their relationship because Pam actually starts to like loopy Dwight despite him vomiting on his back windshield, and not being able to control his arms. We see how undeniably in love Jim is with Pam because he can handle her being engaged to Roy, but he can’t handle Dwight being friends with her. It’s always risky to turn a character upside down for an episode, but this time it was hugely satisfying and brought pleasure in a big way … and that’s what she said.
Best Lines:
Michael: (To Dwight on the way to the hospital) Stop it! Stop it or your fired!
Dwight: You can’t fire me, I don’t work in this van.

The Whole Truth: Phyllis Smith, who plays Phyllis, is a casting director who was given a part on the series because of the way she read with the actors auditioning for the leading roles.

4. Curb Your Enthusiasm, “The Ski Lift”; November 20, 2005

The Gist: Desperate not to give his dying friend Lewis a kidney, Larry befriends the chief of medicine by pretending to be an Orthodox Jew during a ski vacation, where he plans to ask the doctor to move his friend up the donor list.
Pretty Pretty Pretty Good: Larry David allows viewers to channel their inner asshole. This mostly improvised series is great at showing what a despicable human being Larry is, but presents his reasoning so logically you can’t help but think you would do the same thing. Larry’s offensive impersonation of an orthodox Jewish man will having you laughing and shaking your head at the same time. The wife switch that forces Larry’s arch enemy Susie to pretend to be his wife is a payoff worth waiting four seasons for. The subplot is just as funny. In typical Larry David fashion, he mentions to his buddy Jeff, an old girlfriend accused Jeff of having a small penis. Larry seems to reach an epiphany when Jeff informs him his penis isn’t small, but her vagina is huge. Larry’s obsessions with the doctor, the donor list, the ski vacation and the woman with the huge lady part makes The Ski Lift a perfectly balanced episode with laughs all around.
Best Line: Larry: Women love to do this (makes the small penis gesture with his hand.) Well you know what? From now on, this is me. (makes the big vagina gesture with his hands)
The Whole Truth: Larry David often uses the show to voice frustration in his real life, like when he centered an episode around a film critic who gets his thumbs broken after Roger Ebert gave his film Sour Grapes big thumbs down.

5. Sex and the City, "My Motherboard Myself"; July 15, 2001

The Gist: Miranda loses her mother, Carrie loses her hard drive and Samantha loses her orgasm.
The “Big” Deal: The fourth season of Sex and the City was when this HBO romantic comedy reached a creative stride. Miranda, who is as worried about being single at her mother’s funeral, shows a vulnerable side that elicits sympathy. Charlotte’s obsession over the wedding bouquet plays to her character perfectly, and becomes even funnier when they deliver the wrong item. Carrie, who loses all her past articles, is surprisingly poignant in her commentary and even manages to seem compassionate without being whiny. Samantha has most of the comedic spots in the episode, as she ignores the death of Miranda’s mother in the search for her orgasm. It’s after the wrestling coach, shower head and even electric toothbrush have failed, she finds the release she is looking for. The cold façade she has been putting on cracks as she breaks down and cries at the funeral mouthing the words “I’m sorry” to Miranda. For a show that made being single and in your thirties, wild fashion, cosmos and sex talk in vogue, the characters were always well written, true to form and enjoyable for both sexes.
Best Line: Samantha: When I RSVP for a party I make it a point to come.
The Whole Truth: Sarah Jessica Parker had a strict “no nudity” clause in all six seasons of the series.

6. Extras, "Daniel Radcliff"; September 28, 2006

The Gist: Former “background artist” turned comedy star Andy Millman gets a break from the high rated series he hates so much when he films a small role in a Daniel Radcliff fantasy film. Things go from bad to worse when Andy falls for the girlfriend of one of the actors playing an elf. Meanwhile, Maggie has to fend off the advances of the amorous young star.
We’re Having A Laugh: Nothing is sacred when Extras manages to offend little people, the entire Harry Potter fan base, and a youngster with Downs Syndrome in 30 minutes. The best part about the entire series is that when it uses these taboo subjects as punch lines, it doesn’t seem cheap or mean spirited because it’s always Andy who comes out looking like a lesser person. Daniel Radcliff, as the horny Harry Potter star who hits on everything in a skirt, gets to show you his comedic skills, and I assure you his timing is spot on. From pretending to be a chain smoker, to accidentally flinging a condom on Dame Diana Riggs’ head, it is hard to say the kid doesn’t have a sense of humor about his superstardom. On Extras, you feel bad for Andy because he has to deal with the people around him who try to help, but always make things worse. The scenes where Andy tries to apologize for an very offensive “out of context” comment will have you begging Andy to be put out of his misery. The harsh commentary on our tabloid driven world is brutally honest and very funny. Best line: Agent: I got you a movie with Halle Berry?
Andy: Halle Berry?
Agent: Yes, Halle Berry. The short little magical wizard boy with glasses?
Andy: Do you mean Harry Potter?
Agent: Yes. That’s it! … who is Halle Berry again?
The Whole Truth: Each episode is named after the celebrity guest star who appears in it. According to Ricky Gervais (Andy), every guest star of all twelve episodes (Orlando Bloom, Kate Winslet, Ben Stiller, Smauel L. Jackson, Robert DeNiro etc.) agreed to appear in the series based on their love for the other Ricky Gervais created show, The Office.

7. South Park, "With Apologies to Jesse Jackson"; March 7, 2007

The Gist: A misunderstanding on Wheel of Fortune has the entire town in racial turmoil.
Bigger, Longer, Uncut: South Park has been able to walk the dangerous tightrope of shocking humor gracefully for ten years. Shows like It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Nip/Tuck and The Mind of a Married Man pulled shocking stunts just for the sake of shocking the audience. South Park has always managed to validate their outrageousness with satire. The episode is not just about feeling uncomfortable with race, but a demonstration of reverse psychology proving how uptight America really is. Trey Parker and Matt Stone get some flack for not branching out, but stick to what you know. This show is never ages the main character yet still seems relevant and on the pulse of America. I can't comment on that "other cartoon show" with those same characteristics, but I heard you cannot say the same.

Best Line: Randy: Like anyone else thought it was “naggers.”
The Whole Truth: CNN’s Paula Zahn devoted a special report to this episode, in which AbolishtheNword.com praises the show for promoting how hurtful racial slurs can be.

8. Everybody Loves Raymond, “Bad Mood Rising”; May 8, 2000

The Gist: Debra overhears Ray and his friends complaining about how their wives act when on their “lady days."
Holy Crap: When Everybody Loves Raymond debuted, popular sitcoms weren’t centered around traditional families. The Barones, who we discovered were anything but traditional, enabled everyone to see a little bit of their family in them. The way the relationships unfold feels comfortable to husbands and wives, because they feel they are in the same boat as Ray and Debra. In this episode, Ray’s accusation that Debra likes when she’s PMSing because she has an excuse to yell at Ray relates to husbands who think their wives are as evil as them. I always enjoyed how you got the feeling Ray thought of his relationship as a chess game and Debra was his opponent who could beat him blindfolded, yet he still played anyway. This episode does a great job of presenting both sides, as Ray seems sympathetic and thoughtful, while you feel Debra’s frustration for her idiot husband. And for the record, there is not one man in America who could have figured out tape recording Debra’s mood swing was not going to help Ray’s case until she blows up at him.
Best Line: Ray: Hug you?! This is not you! Why would I want to hug the person that shows up once a month to rip into me like a monkey into a cupcake?
The Whole Truth: This episode was based on an argument creator Phil Rosenthal had with his wife Monica Horan (Amy).

9. Weeds, “The Good Shit Lollipop”; August 22, 2005

The Gist: A company who bakes marijuana into their food and candy products is ruining soccer mom Nancy Botwin’s drug dealing business. Meanwhile, Isabel gets back at Celia by substituting Imodium for TrimSpa.
High Comedy: There are so many times in this show where creator Jenji Kohan could have taken a wrong turn and completely ruined the series, but her fresh take on television comedy has made this show one of the best and most riveting to watch. To say this show broke barriers would be an understatement. This Showtime cornerstone not only doesn’t answer to any standards and practices, but it doesn’t abuse its freedom. The explicit language, violence and nudity do not seem forced, but have a purpose in driving the story. In this episode, it is important to see the drug world as seen by a wide-eyed widowed mother of two. Once you get past the shock of what she does for a living, the characters are well written, and the human struggle is what makes this show succeed. Mary Louise Parker manages to play whimsical even though you know she is worried about her family’s survival. Weeds never keeps characters just because they are already on the payroll. Every character has a purpose in relation to Nancy, and contributes to the show. Whether its Doug’s love of a pot taffy, Haylia’s zingers, Conrad’s guidance or Celia’s constipation, this episode will have you giggling like it’s you who has been smoking.
Best Line: Doug: Me no needy no more weedy.
The Whole Truth: HBO passed on this show because they thought it was too edgy for the main character to have young children.

10. Just Shoot Me, "Slow Donnie"; January 5, 1999

The Gist: Maya tries to help Elliot watch his visiting “slow” brother Donnie.
Chicken Pot Chicken Pot Chicken Pot Pie: Before he was Dr. Tobias Funke on Arrested Development, David Cross did friend Steve Levitan a solid by portraying the brother who pretends to be “slow” to get out of work. The whole premise of Just Shoot Me is Maya is a liberal writer who sold out to the man by taking a cushy job at her dad’s fashion magazine. Each episode shows Maya trying to get something positive out of her job, so it’s even funnier when she does the right thing but it blows up in her face. The story is that Donnie fell out of a tree, and has been severely damaged ever since. It turns out Donnie has been faking his handicap, and his love for Maya causes him to confess his secret. It is even funnier the second time you watch it because the first 15 minutes, the audience is not in on the joke. This somewhat offense, always clever and highly controversial episode will make you laugh even when you know it’s wrong.
Best Lines: There are a lot of good lines from Donnie but …
Donnie: (after Maya moves closer to him) Ah! My pants are getting tight!
The Whole Truth: Steve Levitan wanted to do this episode in the first season, but felt the show wasn’t established enough to get away with something like this.

It’s Not TV … it’s a show about a guy with a huge dong.

This week, HBO announced four new pilots currently in production to debut in 2009. I always knew HBO was ballsy but this is ridiculous. “The Riches” creator Dmitry Lipkin has raised the bar and some eyebrows with his dark comedy about a well-endowed high school gym teacher. “The Punisher’s” Thomas Jane (that must have been some casting session) will play the main character in the aptly titled “Hung”. “The Riches” is a smart drama that took a simple gimmick and developed into an intriguing show. The gimmick for “Hung” might seem like a ratings grabber at first, but how long can you beat one joke into the ground? Hopefully Lipkin with give “Hung” room to girth … ah, I mean grow.

Also on slate is “Broadwalk Empire” the period drama (yawn) executive produced by Martin Scorsese (now we’re talking). Fans of HBO’s “The Wire” can find some solace in the series closure knowing the mind behind the Baltimore crime drama, David Simon, will be developing a new drama called “Treme.” Details are sparse, but word is the series will take place in New Orleans with a heavy emphasis on life after Katrina. The fourth of its’ new breed will star Jason Schwartzman as a depressed alcoholic who finds inspiration from Raymond Chandler in “Bored to Death.” Unfortunately, America might just be that because it seems highly stylized shows like “The Sopranos,” “Sex and the City,” and “Entourage” thrive at HBO, while deep thinking, depressing, head scratchers like “In Treatment” and “Tell Me You Love Me” dwindle out without much fanfare.

But who am I kidding, I will be watching every one of them.

And you thought Alanis Morissette’s music got angry after the engagement …

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds got married last weekend. You know her from films like “Lost in Translation” and “Match Point.” You know him from dating Scarlett Johansson. The word around town is Reynolds is a major tool who will do anything to land himself on the A-list. I guess you can’t blame the guy but you can be jealous he gets to land himself on Scarlett Johansson in the process. Their wedding took place in some secluded mountain resort over the span of one weekend where guests could ride horses, go fishing and take nature hikes. Johansson fell in love with horses while filming on the set of “The Horse Whisperer” and Reynolds fell in love with horses while blowing Tobey Maguire on the set of “Seabiscuit.” And, yeah because when I go to Scarlet Johansson and Ryan Reynolds’ wedding, not only do I get to sit through a ceremony miserable because they are so happy together, but I get to sit on a lake with him and fish like an asshole. Sounds like a blast.