Pop Culture's Christmas Wish List

With the Holidays right around the corner, here are a couple of things I hope to see under “Pop Culture’s” tree on Christmas morning.





1. A Sedative for Oprah. With Obama victorious, the release of Australia, and the on set recreation of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, America’s favorite talk show host has been screeching so loud the past couple months you’d think someone was grabbing her by the short hairs. It wouldn’t take an expert marksman to place a tranquilizer on her flip side either.



2. Another break-up for Pink. The badass rocker’s public divorce sparked the best pop song of 2008. Another failed relationship = more catchy tunes. Corey Hart must be happy nothing really goes with the line “So what … your dick is small.”



3. CSI: Bosnia. True, hunger is the leading cause of death, but murder has to be at least two or three. Plus, when a 7-11 clerk is killed in the Middle East, they will need Gil Grissom’s forensic technology to figure out it was his mistress’s jealous stepson avenging his dead father’s honor.



4. Birth control for John & Kate. Eight really is enough. The basic cable ratings monster
won’t have the same catchy title if they call it John & Kate Plus Nine. Props to John though. With a set of twins and sextuplets, it takes a real man to slip one past the goalie twice.


5. The Sopranos On Ice. Hey, Disney can keep recycling their shows by putting them on ice, why can’t the world grieve for the loss of their favorite mob show by celebrating it on the rink. Tell me you wouldn’t pay to see James Gandolfini doing a double axel while he dodges the feds and Johnny Sack. Not to reinforce negative stereotypes, but the professional ice skaters would feel right at home with the Vito/Johnny Cakes storyline.



6. More Celeb-reality. That’s right, I don’t care who or what, I love to watch celebrities in their own crazy element. Whether its’ Judd Nelson baking brownies or Courtney Love fighting a homeless man for cab fair, I’ll be parked in front of the T.V.



7. Original Videogames. Not being a big gamer myself, I imagine that if I played, I wouldn’t want to reenact World War II in my living room. What happened to the games where a steroidal genetic freak and girl with huge boobs save the world from an evil space alien and his moderately tough henchmen that are strategically dispersed through every level?


8. The Full House Movie. Cut. It. Out. Every major T.V. show is getting a big screen adaptation, what’s wrong with the Tanners? Thanks to a revolving door women, Stamos is looking younger than ever, and I doubt Saget has anything to do. Also, I’m pretty sure the Kimmy Gibbler was headed to the stripping pole and I’d like to see how that panned out.

Next up: Grammy Ballot Mailing Concert

Last night CBS aired a one hour special Grammy Nomination Concert where musical acts played between the announcement of the nominations. At one point John Mayer did a duet with B.B. King and I couldn't help but think "Hey this would have been great for the actual Grammy show." The buzz around the Grammys should be in the performances, because with 110 categories, its kind of hard not to get nominated for something. I have actively pursued trying to find out the difference between "Record of the Year","Song of the Year" and "Album of the Year" and have gotten nowhere. What confuses me even more is usually two or three different artists win those awards. I assume if voters have more than one song they like, they vote for one in each category. In my opinion, the Grammys are the least credible awards in the entertainment business. Music is so subjective that they should just do like the Peabody's do and give awards out to the artist who have produced exceptional work. When you watch the Grammys, it seems like the awards just get the way of the big musical acts. Everyone watches for the performances, but with big stars on last night, the actual show will lack luster.

Not only did CBS blow their load with this special, they picked the absolute worst person to host. Taylor Swift looked as frightened as she did skinny, and as she was reading the tele-prompter, you would have thought she never saw those words before in her life. The biggest stars from the music world were all on hand to see if they got nominated. When your a nominee at an award show, you celebrate the achievement of being nominated, and go in case you win. When you go to the nomination ceremony, you say "hey I think I'm getting nominated" and look like an ass when you don't.

In case you care, here is a link to the nominations. Maybe I'm out of touch with music, but I said "who??" about 10 times in after reading the first three categories.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/music_blog/2008/12/grammy-scorecar.html