Pop Culture's Christmas Wish List

With the Holidays right around the corner, here are a couple of things I hope to see under “Pop Culture’s” tree on Christmas morning.





1. A Sedative for Oprah. With Obama victorious, the release of Australia, and the on set recreation of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, America’s favorite talk show host has been screeching so loud the past couple months you’d think someone was grabbing her by the short hairs. It wouldn’t take an expert marksman to place a tranquilizer on her flip side either.



2. Another break-up for Pink. The badass rocker’s public divorce sparked the best pop song of 2008. Another failed relationship = more catchy tunes. Corey Hart must be happy nothing really goes with the line “So what … your dick is small.”



3. CSI: Bosnia. True, hunger is the leading cause of death, but murder has to be at least two or three. Plus, when a 7-11 clerk is killed in the Middle East, they will need Gil Grissom’s forensic technology to figure out it was his mistress’s jealous stepson avenging his dead father’s honor.



4. Birth control for John & Kate. Eight really is enough. The basic cable ratings monster
won’t have the same catchy title if they call it John & Kate Plus Nine. Props to John though. With a set of twins and sextuplets, it takes a real man to slip one past the goalie twice.


5. The Sopranos On Ice. Hey, Disney can keep recycling their shows by putting them on ice, why can’t the world grieve for the loss of their favorite mob show by celebrating it on the rink. Tell me you wouldn’t pay to see James Gandolfini doing a double axel while he dodges the feds and Johnny Sack. Not to reinforce negative stereotypes, but the professional ice skaters would feel right at home with the Vito/Johnny Cakes storyline.



6. More Celeb-reality. That’s right, I don’t care who or what, I love to watch celebrities in their own crazy element. Whether its’ Judd Nelson baking brownies or Courtney Love fighting a homeless man for cab fair, I’ll be parked in front of the T.V.



7. Original Videogames. Not being a big gamer myself, I imagine that if I played, I wouldn’t want to reenact World War II in my living room. What happened to the games where a steroidal genetic freak and girl with huge boobs save the world from an evil space alien and his moderately tough henchmen that are strategically dispersed through every level?


8. The Full House Movie. Cut. It. Out. Every major T.V. show is getting a big screen adaptation, what’s wrong with the Tanners? Thanks to a revolving door women, Stamos is looking younger than ever, and I doubt Saget has anything to do. Also, I’m pretty sure the Kimmy Gibbler was headed to the stripping pole and I’d like to see how that panned out.